Did you know: you can lose weight just by eating right!

Hey everyone, I'm back. Matt's wife, Jak, from that other blog where I post my creative writing and photographic pursuits. Anyway, I've got more to say, so I'm taking over again.

The National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute of the National Institutes of Health found that “eating heart-healthy, low-calorie foods and exercising is the key to losing weight regardless of levels of protein, fat or carbohydrates.”

You mean to tell me that the old-fashioned, tried-and-true diets actually work? Are you saying that those newly-invented diets with the latest research findings and technology aren’t as effective? Because I was pretty convinced that the Atkins diet, invented back in the 1970s was the key to wait loss. No, maybe I liked the South Beach diet from the 1980s. Wait, I’m thinking of the Abs Diet, invented just four years ago! That diet is so new, it must utilize all the new technologies available to weight-loss studying gurus! And last year they even released a version specially designed for women to enhance weight loss and promote abs in ways that cater to women’s specific needs and difficulties! There is no way these diets are all marketing gimmicks because my friends knows someone who was on that Atkins diet, and it worked for them! They seriously lost, like, eight pounds, and even kept it off until Christmas! Plus they have all those supplements now. When taken with diet and exercise, they are proven to accelerate results; therefore, diet and exercise alone must not be very effective. Everyone knows that hydroxypropyl cellulose and Acesulfame-potassium are key to developing muscles.

Listen, all you National Institutes of Health, you are going to have to repeat that study time and time again and get the same results in order for me to believe you. Until them, I’m sticking to my other diet, the one I know works. I’ve lost nearly three pounds since January 1st! I would have lost more, but I got busy at the end of January and stopped. But I’m going to start back up again! Probably tomorrow even! Or maybe Monday…I mean, I’m kinda busy this weekend.


Can I plead the grapefruit diet?