Don't Eat Babies, Tax Emails!

I’m on a roll today. Even though I should probably save this for another day, I just can’t stop.

This country needs money. The Obama administration is deficient spending through our noses. The rich, businesses of all sizes, and gas and oil companies, to name a few, are being taxed to oblivion. The troops need money, Obama’s plan for universal health care is not going to be cheap, the goal to have everyone in this country with a college degree is going to cost some serious dough. We need money, plain and simple. This is my proposal: enact a taxation on email.

According to one site, 210 billion emails are sent per day. Let’s assume, for the sake of numbers, that 1/2 of those are sent to or from America. That means that 105 billion emails every day would be available for taxation. If Uncle Sam charged just $.05 per email, he would acquire 5.3 billion dollars a day. In just 149 days, about five months, the entire stimulus package of $787 billion could be completely paid for in little more than it costs to send a text message. Perhaps the taxation plan could offer discounts or tax deductions for emails sent within between family members or coworkers to keep business costs feasible, and the stimulus could still be paid for within a year.

Think of all the other advantages of an email taxation: no spam, no email chain-letters, and fewer company advertisings (like Amazon’s “Since you bought that, we know you’ll love this!” emails). If you work in a customer-service based industry, you’d get fewer stupid-question emails, since people would be more likely to research their question before emailing it. There are so many advantages to treating emails like they are text messages!

You could do any one of these things:
Pay for Bush’s bank bailout of $700 billion within five months
Full pay for the new $3.6 trillion budget within Obama’s first term (1.7 years)
In 5.6 years, the entire $10.8 trillion Federal deficit would be $0

If you’re reading this Obama, just know that instead of socialistically taxing only the wealthy, you could communistically fairly tax us all a measly $.05 per email.